He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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