i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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