so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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