when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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