Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
