i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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