Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
