Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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