Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The air taste purple.
Randomize
