Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
