Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
The feeling are messing with the penis
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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