so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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