hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
