Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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