Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she looked like the before picture.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
this hospital has no fireball
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
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