ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
