they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
