We won't sleep together?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
