I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
