Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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