how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Less talking, more tequila
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
