no, he came in my armpit
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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