the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You pole danced in your parka.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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