I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
