i permit you to call me
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
