like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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