Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
