I need help removing her.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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