i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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