hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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