I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The beer is more important than you right now.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
