Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
