I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
