Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
