I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
