My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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