Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
