NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
