just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
