I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
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