Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
