it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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