I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
