Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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