She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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