just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
