I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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