girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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