thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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