I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
