So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
