I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
