I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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